Yesterday as I was listening to one of my tutors (by the way he is a conventional doctor, an integrative doctor, an acunpuncturist, a homeopath) …
He was talking about how some of his patients would come in to his office with an illness, a serious illness but when he asked them if they prefered to forgive or die…they would choose to die….
It felt familiar….I remember when I was told just after my emergency surgery that a tumur had been taking our of my intestine…and that most likely it was cancer and that I would need 6 months of chemotherapy…
I could hear my thoughts reaching out to God:
“Are you serious???Did you really have to do this to make me stop?To make me forgive??”
For a moment, I saw myself having to make that choice…to forgive or die…
I knew living a long life meant forgiving….
I was so scared to acknowledge what it had happened…
I was so scared to acknowledge my pain…
I was so scared to open my heart again….
Truth be told, I didn’t know how I was going to do it either…
It was easier to be in denial….
I doubted it was possible to forgive…
But I wanted to live….I wanted to live so badly for my kids….
I must admit during treatment I made some small steps towards forgiveness but it wasn’t until the end of my treatment that I saw a physchologyst who helped me through that process as I couldn’t do it by myself…
In that process….
I cried…
I got angry…
I prayed…
I meditated…
I got frustrated…
But slowly that weight started lifting off my shoulders…
From my heart….
From my being…
And slowly I started healing my innerself…
If you had asked me 2 years ago, do you believe you need to forgive people to live a healthy life?
I would have said…
No…
It depends on what they did…
But the reality is…it is not about them…it is about you…it is about how you feel day in day out…when you are holding onto “that”.
I did for me…
I did it because I wanted to live…
I did it because I wanted to survive…
If forgiveness feels impossible to you, I am here to tell you it is not…
Nothing is impossible…everything is possible when we decide…when we make that decision…
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you”