What to Do When You Can’t Seem to Love Yourself

You don’t love yourself when you do this๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿผ

๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿผkeep saying to yourself you don’t have time for your self care
๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿผkeep putting everyone first
๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿผnever spend anytime with you 

I get that life is busy and I have been exactly in this place here๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿผ

Until a cancer diagnosis woke me up

And I realised that 

โœจI didn’t make time for my self care because I thought I didn’t deserve anything good
โœจI didn’t put myself first because I didn’t think I was worthy
โœจI never spend anytime with myself because I didn’t like myself

The way we fool ourselves into believing we can’t put ourselves first is extremely clever

But it takes one to being a little more clever to get out of this toxic cycle.

You wouldn’t say to your child, your pet or your loved one:

“Hey I don’t have time for you ok?”

When you think about saying that, I bet it makes you cringe right?

The truth is when you love someone you make time for that person.

You want to know more about him/her/it.

You want to understand what they are feeling, what they like, how they are.

You can only do that if you spend time with that person.

Most people run away from spending anything with themselves because they are too scared to find out who they really are.

They have been practicing the habit of never “being” with themselves that they don’t know who they are anymore.

But practically always gets in people’s ways.

Once someone told me:

“Angelica, how do you make time for yourself when you have so many people to look after?”

These are the 3 things that helped me

in the transition of “running myself to the ground” seeking self worth

(Yes if you ask yourself why you are running around like a headless chicken, I bet you are seeing validation in your life from the outside world right?)ย 

to “putting myself first every single day” for the last 5 years

whilst running a business, raising 2 kids and a pup and staying happily married๐Ÿคฉ

๐Ÿญ- ๐—œ ๐˜๐—ผ๐—น๐—ฑ ๐—บ๐˜† ๐—ธ๐—ถ๐—ฑ๐˜€ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐—œ ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—ฒ๐˜…๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฐ๐—ถ๐˜€๐—ฒ ๐—ฒ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐˜†๐—ฑ๐—ฎ๐˜† ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—œ ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—น๐—ฑ๐—ป’๐˜ ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ ๐—ถ๐—ป๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฟ๐˜‚๐—ฝ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฑ

I wake up earlier than my kids and I exercise every single day

Sometimes they are awake and at the beginning of my transformational process

They would come into my exercise room and ask me questions.

I would tell them: “Do you remember that I told you I need to exercise?

This is my time and I need to focus on this right now.”

These days they don’t ask me any questions while I am exercising.
(unless it is something urgent)

There was a period of qualifying what urgent was at the beginning too so stick to the process as they will learn to respect your time.

In doing that, you are teaching them that they too should put themselves first.

๐Ÿฎ- ๐—œ ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ฑ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—บ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—บ๐˜†๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ณ ๐—ฑ๐—ฎ๐—ถ๐—น๐˜† ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐—œ ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—ฒ๐˜…๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฐ๐—ถ๐˜€๐—ฒ ๐—ถ๐—ณ ๐—œ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐—ป๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐˜€๐˜๐—ฎ๐˜† ๐—ฎ๐—น๐—ถ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ

It sounds harsh but when you are establishing a new habit

you need to set a pretty strong foundation.

Getting a perfect bikini picture is not a strong foundation otherwise everyone would have one.

You only need to go on Instagram and see millions of perfect bikini pictures whilst 70% of people are sitting at the obesity line.

When you think logically, having the perfect bikini picture is not and will never be a strong enough foundation for anyone.

For me, it was reminding myself that it was a must for my survival at the beginning.

When you are diagnosed with a lifestyle disease, it is called lifestyle disease for a reason. You need to change your lifestyle and exercise is medicine when it comes to creating a healthy lifestyle.

There is no two ways about it. You just have to do it.

When my motivation wasn’t there, the disciplined voice would take over and remind me of my why.

This is precisely why it is so important for you to determine a strong enough why to get off your but.

These days my body wakes me up and it wants to exercise.

When I don’t (for some odd reason), I feel like I am getting out of the house naked if you know what I mean.

๐Ÿฏ- ๐—œ ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐—ธ ๐—บ๐˜† ๐—ต๐˜‚๐˜€๐—ฏ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐˜†๐—ผ๐—ป๐—ฒ ๐—œ ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ฝ

Before cancer I thought I needed to carry a badge of 

“I need to do it all on my own because I am invincible”

That was pretty stupid to be honest.

If you are carrying this badge, throw that badge away.

The cemetery is probably full of people who carried this badge.

This stupid thought drove me almost to the ground and dead

Now if I get tired at the end of the day,ย 

or if my husband is at home and he can deal with my kids’ urgent request

I ask him: “I need your help here.”

I realised that asking for help is not a sign of weakness.ย 

A sign of weakness is letting yourself and your health deteriorate so much like I did that you risk leaving your kids orphans.

My husband and I have always worked as a team.

The pressure I put on myself before cancer came from me not from him.

If you don’t have a partner, ask help from someone you love.

I would also ask help from a friend if I need to.ย 

It took practice at the beginning but it was so worth to learn this skill.

It is a skill because most people live with this ingrained belief that they ned to do life on their own which is not true.

Nobody can make it on their own. We need each other. We need community.

I don’t think I need to do it all anymore to the detriment of my health.

My self care comes first and everything else comes after.

These are my beliefs these days and in the last fiver years these changes have helped me build the fittest and healthiest body I have ever had.

Loving yourself is a practice of setting boundaries and learning how to connect with yourself again.

When you can’t seem to love yourself, you need to start practicing different habits to learn how to learn more about yourself and how to love yourself again.

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