The doctor confirmed to me after my emergency surgery:

“We found a tumour and it is definitely cancer. You will need 6 months of chemotherapy.”

I was so weak after not eating for 4 days in the lead up to that surgery.

Quietly I reached out to God in desperation:

“Are you serious? 

Stage 3 cancer – could you have given me something a little lighter to deal with?

I have 2 kids to raise. They are only 6 and 4.”

God quietly answered:

“I have been trying to catch your attention but you are too stubborn.

You need to forgive.”

In my body, mind and soul I couldn’t deal with that answer at that point.

I parked the issue.

As I started my healing journey, I had the intention to come out of the experience feeling stronger than ever – physically, mentally and emotionally.

Physically – I nailed changing my diet, exercising consistently (despite going through chemo), practicing yoga, having a healthy sleep routine.

Mentally – I delved into meditation and started experiencing the subtle benefits of meditating daily. I nailed redirecting my thoughts to positive and understanding more about my feelings.

Emotionally – I started becoming more conscious about how I respond to stressful situations (as I encountered them almost daily during cancer treatment)

But when it come to forgiveness, I hit a hall.

I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Was there a pill I could take to forgive?

Was there someone else that could do the work for me?

Was there an easy step-by-step process I could follow?

The more I read about health, the more I encountered the word “forgiveness”

The more I read about cancer, the more I read about how it was linked to deep resentment.

I spent months thinking” 

Why should I forgive if they were the “wrong” ones?

Why should I do all the work again?

Why am I the one dealing with a cancer diagnosis?

Why do I have to go through this s***?

I thought that maybe I just couldn’t forgive.

And if I didn’t, I just need to leave with the consequences of it.

Cancer recurrence was mentioned a lot in so many survivor’s stories I read. 

People who hadn’t healed their hearts.

Once more I had to make a decision.

Do I keep practicing the same emotions and behaviours or do I change completely and try something new?

I couldn’t argue that I had been holding on to deep resentment for a lot of years.

That was the truth.

As everyhting I changed in my journey, there wasn’t much point in trying to justify what I had done in the past 

Because clearly it hadn’t work.

A cancer diagnosis at 38 years old was a wake up that I didn’t expect.

Not even the doctors to be honest as it wasn’t linked to any genes, family history, nada.

It was linked solely to “bad luck” according to the doctors.

So I decided once more to try something new and I went all in to change myself at a soul level

Forgiveness is a conscious decision to let go negative feelings towards another who had caused you hurt and replacing those feelings with unconditional love and compassion.

It is not about forgetting the hurt or ignoring the pain.

It is about recognising what happened and building a different emotional connection to it. 

It is a transformative journey at the heart level. 

Some research has shown that when you forgive, you can experience

• lower levels of depression
• lower levels of anxiety
• lower levels of aggression 
• increase of quality of life
• decreased stress level
• lower blood pressure
• lower heart rate
• better anger-management skills
• lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse
• increases self-esteem
• improved psychological well-being
• healthier relationships
• increases hope

I realised that the unhealthy relationship I had with alcohol was directly related to the resentment I held on my heart and body.

I realised that my ability to deal with stressful situations which was close to none at the time of my diagnosis was directly related to the anger I held of my heart and body.

My anger addiction was the result of it all. When you are angry and have been for so long, you can’t keep a lid on your anger.

Anything becomes a trigger and before you know, you have another anger outburst at anyone close to you that will put up with it.

Hurt people – hurt people

And that was me all over it.,

You forgive for you.

You forgive to let go the hurt that is hurting you.

You forgive so you can feel free.

You forgive so you stop hurting others.

Forgiveness is one of the most important tools in a healing journey.

I knew that all the green juices in the world, would never contra balance the anger I held on inside me.

If you want to heal at a deeper level, invest your time and effort on forgiving.

Do it for you.

And if you can’t, do it for your loved ones just like I did.

Don’t know where to start, check out my

FINDING FORGIVENESS course