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I couldn’t forgive…

When I was told I had Stage 3 Bowel Cancer, I didn’t get angry…

I didn’t blame anyone or anything…

I found a calm place quietly within myself and I asked God:

Wow that is serious! What do you want to tell me?

The answer was simple: You need to forgive.

At that moment in time, it felt like an impossible mission.

So I put that thought to the side…

As I started taking one step at a time during chemotherapy, that thought would come back in different forms…

How do you want to live your life after this?

What are you going to do to stay well from the inside out?

How are you going to survive?

Are you going to forgive or hold on to this for the rest of your life?

Although I was changing my diet, introducing exercise, meditating each day, reading every health book I could get my hands on…

I tried to avoid that though…

But that though would come back:

What about forgiveness?

I was so hurt that I could barely sit with my pain….

I was so hurt that I could barely open up my heart…

But slowly I started to doing the work…

I wanted to live so badly that I had to give everything a try….

As I reached out to God many times in my journey, as I meditated each day, as I sat with my painful feelings…

I could feel the forgiveness filling my soul slowly….

I could feel that weight lifting off my shoulders…

I could feel my energy changing….

I created a course “Finding forgiveness” as without forgiveness I wouldn’t have healed myself…

I wouldn’t have found happiness and fulfilment…

I wouldn’t have found self love…

If you need to forgive someone, yourself or something, I would love you to go through my course where I teach how to find forgiveness in steps

This is a practical course where I share what I have learned about forgiveness and how I was able to achieve forgiveness

To get this course, click here:

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Why I forgave and how forgiveness healed me

Yesterday as I was listening to one of my tutors (by the way he is a conventional doctor, an integrative doctor, an acunpuncturist, a homeopath) …

He was talking about how some of his patients would come in to his office with an illness, a serious illness but when he asked them if they prefered to forgive or die…they would choose to die….

It felt familiar….I remember when I was told just after my emergency surgery that a tumur had been taking our of my intestine…and that most likely it was cancer and that I would need 6 months of chemotherapy…

I could hear my thoughts reaching out to God:

“Are you serious???Did you really have to do this to make me stop?To make me forgive??”

For a moment, I saw myself having to make that choice…to forgive or die…

I knew living a long life meant forgiving….

I was so scared to acknowledge what it had happened…

I was so scared to acknowledge my pain…

I was so scared to open my heart again….

Truth be told, I didn’t know how I was going to do it either…

It was easier to be in denial….

I doubted it was possible to forgive…

But I wanted to live….I wanted to live so badly for my kids….

I must admit during treatment I made some small steps towards forgiveness but it wasn’t until the end of my treatment that I saw a physchologyst who helped me through that process as I couldn’t do it by myself…

In that process….

I cried…

I got angry…

I prayed…

I meditated…

I got frustrated…

But slowly that weight started lifting off my shoulders…

From my heart….

From my being…

And slowly I started healing my innerself…

If you had asked me 2 years ago, do you believe you need to forgive people to live a healthy life?

I would have said…

No…

It depends on what they did…

But the reality is…it is not about them…it is about you…it is about how you feel day in day out…when you are holding onto “that”.

I did for me…

I did it because I wanted to live…

I did it because I wanted to survive…

If forgiveness feels impossible to you, I am here to tell you it is not…

Nothing is impossible…everything is possible when we decide…when we make that decision…

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you”