In my search for my own mental healing, I came across the question a lot of people ask themselves or maybe it is something I believe a lot of people ask themselves.
I have always had very high expectations of myself in everything I did and do and while you can all talk about this as being a positive thing, we all know that this can drag you down…that constant inner voice saying to you: you could have done better….you should have achieved more…you haven’t got enough….
So I asked my psychologist where was that coming from, I read books about, I listened to podcasts about it. I needed to understand where exactly this was coming from so I could stop that inner voice.
Truth is, there are lots of reasons….and shutting down that inner voice is not that simple. I came from a society where females had one path to follow: study, get a job, get married and have kids. A society where you can only count on yourself as our government is corrupt so whatever you do, somebody else is doing 10 times more than you as people are scared not to have a job, not to have any meanings to create a life for themselves and their families.
In my wild being, I broke that cycle as I never felt I belonged there. That meant I have always been trying to find where I belong and within that, I have seek people’s approvals, I have tried to stand out as being someone who accomplish things. I have taken into consideration people’s expectations of me.
Bottom line is, understanding the reasons gave me something but that inner voice is still there sometimes and I need to find ways to calm that voice down, to tell that voice that I am enough.
This week I heard something which is something that has helped me the most. Kyle Kuzma, an atlete said he used to always seek external approval from others but he realized that he didn’t need to do that anymore as his expectations of himself were already high enough.
So for now, I am going to focus on that when that inner voice creeps in…and I am hoping you can do that too.